Setting boundaries and clear rules helps to create an environment that fosters psychological safety, encourages everyone to take responsibility for themselves and foster positive behaviour. It is important to make a distinction between rules and routines. Rules are something that must be followed by everyone. Whereas, routines are the order in which we do things and everyone’s routine will be different. Rules have consequences (although, I prefer to see consequences as opportunities for learning and that is another blog for another time). Routines have reminders.

At home, you will have rules (e.g. Be kind to everyone) but you will have routines, such as read before bedtime. A set of household rules can serve as the guiding principles that shape your child's character and it is a journey towards raising well-rounded individuals at home.

In this blog post, we'll explore five golden rules that I advocate for all parents to implement to not only create a harmonious household but also instil values that resonate throughout a child's life. Remember - these five rules should be followed by everyone in the household.

In my book “Your Happy Child, 10 Proven Steps to Raising a Happy Child”, I have outlined scripts and activities on how you can set these rules and implement other activities to create a harmonious home.

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Before setting rules with your children, I would ensure that they have been fed, are in a good mood and calm state and you have set aside at least an hour to set the rules.   

Step 1: Have a family meeting. Ask them “what kind of rules do you have at school?” They will say things like: put your hand up to speak, no hurting anyone, no running in school, etc”
Step 2: Then ask them “why do you have school rules and why do you think it is important to have these school rules? They will say things like: “so we can learn, so that there is some kind of order in the classroom, so no one gets hurt, etc”
Step 3: Praise their comments and acknowledge them. Summarise by saying “Yes, that’s right…and Rules help to keep everyone safe.”
Step 4: Say “In the same way we want to keep everyone safe in our house. What do you think are some good rules that we should have at home so that we all can keep safe and feel happy?” 
Then you allow your children to come up with whatever rules they think are important. Write these down exactly as the children say them.
Step 5: Use this list of potential rules and start writing them in positive language. Some of the rules that your children will come up with would fall under the routines so be sure to separate those out.
Step 6: Make enough posters of the rules to stick around the house. Ensure everyone has agreed to them and they are clearly visible around the house. 

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Here are five rules that I think every household should advocate:

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Rule 1: Please Listen
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Implementing the rule of "Please Listen" lays the foundation for effective communication and psychological safety. When children feel heard, acknowledged, and understood, they develop a sense of security and belonging.

Example:

Imagine a scenario where one child excitedly shares their school day with the family. By actively listening, parents convey the message that each voice matters, fostering an environment where children feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and emotions. Later in life, these children are more likely to engage in open communication, forming healthy relationships and workplaces.

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Rule 2: Keep Hands and Feet to Yourself

Respecting personal space and physical boundaries is a lesson that goes beyond childhood playdates. The rule "Keep Hands and Feet to Yourself" not only ensures physical safety but also teaches the invaluable life skill of respecting others' personal space.

Example:

In a game of board games or sports, adhering to this rule promotes fair play and sportsmanship. Later in life, individuals who have internalised this principle are more likely to navigate social and professional settings with grace, understanding the importance of personal boundaries and mutual respect.

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Rule 3: Be Kind and Speak Kind Words

‍The power of kindness is immeasurable. The rule "Be Kind and Speak Kind Words" is a beacon guiding children towards empathy, compassion, and positive communication.

Example:

In a situation where one sibling is feeling upset, responding with kind words and gestures fosters emotional support. This empathetic foundation paves the way for children to develop strong interpersonal skills. Later in life, these individuals are more likely to build meaningful connections and contribute positively to their communities.

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Rule 4: Do as You Have Been Asked First Time

Instilling a sense of responsibility and accountability is crucial for a child's development. The rule "Do as You Have Been Asked First Time" teaches the importance of following instructions promptly, promoting discipline and efficiency.

Example:

When a parent asks a child to tidy their room, adhering to this rule instils the habit of completing tasks efficiently. Later in life, individuals who have internalized this principle are likely to excel in professional settings, demonstrating reliability and a strong work ethic.

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Rule 5: Have Fun

Amidst the rules and responsibilities, the importance of having fun should never be forgotten. The rule "Have Fun" encourages a positive outlook on life, promoting mental well-being and resilience.

Example:

Family game nights, outings, or creative activities exemplify the essence of this rule. Children who grow up associating positive experiences with family time are more likely to seek joy in their pursuits later in life, fostering a balanced and fulfilling adulthood.

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In embracing the five golden rules of "Please Listen," "Keep Hands and Feet to Yourself," "Be Kind and Speak Kind Words," "Do as You Have Been Asked First Time," and "Have Fun," parents lay the groundwork for a harmonious home that nurtures psychological safety, sets clear boundaries, and cultivates positive behaviour.

Please be mindful that just because you have agreed to these rules, they will be followed immediately. You have to allow time to implement them and you will have to be consistent with play, praise, and rewards to ensure rules are being followed. Please check out my other blogs on playing with your children often and praising them as these will be foundations before you can set rules. 

Rules serve as the compass guiding children through the intricate journey of life, shaping them into individuals who not only navigate challenges with grace but also contribute positively to the world around them. In the tapestry of family life, these rules are the threads that weave a legacy of love, respect, and resilience.

Want to try out rules with your children? Find more strategies for creating rules and 4 other secrets to a happy and harmonious home in my online course, How To Create An Emotionally Safe Home.